As the Ballzooka Turns
Yaaamaaahaaa panted as she struggled to carry the last suitcase out of the now empty house. "Whew," she said as she put it into the trunk of her Hybrid. (Yaaamaaahaaa cared about nature) Yaaamaaahaaa turned to look at the house she was leaving. She silenced her urge to cry, she wanted to run back inside and throw all her bags on the floor, but she was done here. "No more," she told herself. "I've stayed here for too long." Yaaamaaahaaa entered her car and started it up. She drove out of the driveway and onto the highway. She remembered all she was leaving in North Carolina. It was the place she had spent her life with her wonderful husband. Unfortunately, Death had gone missing in action two years ago in Iraq and he hadn't been found. Now she was returning to the place where she grew up, a place, called Nerf Neighborhood. "Goodbye my love, she said.
GMO sighed as he sat down to rest. Being the park ranger of the Tribe wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He wished Grim, his roommate were here. Too bad he was on jury duty. "GMO!" said a voice on the radio, "We need your assistance!" "JamesBond?" GMO asked. JamesBond was the hotel owner of Tycoon arena. "Yes!" He said. "I have an emergency! Someone is about to commit suicide on top of my building!" "Oh no! I'll be right there!" GMO said.
GMO noticed a crowd had already gathered at the hotel, news reporters and photographers struggled to get through the crowd, trying to get the best shot possible. GMO entered the hotel. "Give me the situation James." "Well, his name is Mikey, it turns out this is his ninth suicide attempt this month alone!" GMO thought for a moment. "I'll go up and talk to him." GMO said.
GMO ran up the last of the stairs and walked onto the roof. There, right if front of him, Mikey was about to commit suicide. "Stop!" GMO shouted. But it was too late. "WooT!!" Mikey said, jumping off the roof. "NO!!!" GMO shouted. "NO!!!!!!!"
"Order," the judge said. "Order in the court!" The crowd and jury sat. "Me want two cheeseburgers and a large fries." Grim said. The judged scowled at Grim; he had been making trouble all day. "Not that order! Don"t play smart with me Mr. Grim, silence! Mr. Howe, please continue your questioning on the suspect." The prosecutor lawyer continued questioning the suspect. "Where were you last Tuesday?" The prosecutor said. "Me was watching TV and eating cheese." Grim said. "But me no eat cheddar cheese, it make me sick. Then I gone to see movie with GMO, but it didn't last long because me set movie on fire by accident." The judge shouted. "You've harmed this court room long enough! Bailiff, remove this man!" The Bailiff moved through the jury bench to grab Grim. "How much can the bail lift"" He said as he was dragged away. "One time, me lift like 20 pounds, then I-"
GMO entered the Rock Head Bar and Grill. He needed a drink to calm his nerves. "Give me a cherry limeade," he said to the bartender as he sat down. (Like he'd really drink alcohol) GMO sighed, in all his years as a park ranger and assassin for hire, he had never had anyone die on him. "I"ll take the same thing," feminine voice said as she sat down beside him. GMO turned to look. "Yaaamaaahaaa"" He asked. "It"s me," she said with a smile. "I"m staying at the Tycoon Hotel until I find a place." "Wow yam! It"s so good to see you!" "Where is Rajada?" GMO paused. "He- let's just say he's not interested in using science for good anymore." "Wow," Yam said, "So much has changed since I left." "MU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" A voice said from the doorway. "Looks like the prodigal daughter returned!" GMO pulled out his secret shot. "Look out Yam!" He said. "This is going to be messy!"
"Rajada!" Yam said. "What are you doing?" Everyone in the bar suddenly pulled out a secret shot. (Everyone has one in NAB anyway) "MU HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Rajada laughed. "You really think those little things can destroy me?" Rajada pulled out a wildfire. Rajada smirked. "I must thank you after all GMO, since you were responsible for kicking me out of the academy." "What"" Yaaamaaahaaa asked. "What is he talking about?" GMO sighed. "He used to use his experiments for good, until one day he started creating things for evil purposes." "That"s right!" Rajada said. "And it was the best decision of my life!" Rajada held up his gun. "Meet my newest invention! The Wildtransporter! MU HA HA HA HA HA!!" "I assume you're going to tell us what it is you twisted fiend?" GMO asked. "Well, since you asked so nicely. This gun is capable of, when shooting a character, instantly transporting them. In this case, it will transport anyone it touches into a giant pit of lava!! MU HA HA HA HA!!!!" (Meanwhile, in the real world: "Wow," Rajada says as he"s reading this story. "What a great idea Chris! You're a genius!") "You're sick!" Someone shouted. Suddenly Rajada turned his gun on everyone and started firing. It hit everyone but GMO, and no one could fire off a shot for some reason. "MU HA HA HA HA!!!" Rajada laughed. "I also have a device that makes everyone's Nerf guns but mine malfunction!" "You're smarter than last time," GMO said, "Maybe instead of checking into jail you should check into an insane asylum!" "Shut up!" Rajada said, smacking GMO in the face. "I needed two test subjects for my new inventions, if you would so kindly bind yourselves with this rope, we'll be on our way." GMO tied the rope around Yaaamaaahaaa"s hands, and then tied it around his own. Then Rajada had his pilot land his private helicopter and they were soon flying to his secret base, deep into the Rocky Mountains.
GMO grunted as he woke up. Rajada had knocked them both out in the helicopter so they wouldn't know where they were. He and Yaaamaaahaaa were tied to a pole, and a giant gun hovered above them, attached to the ceiling by magnets. "I guess this is the end," GMO said. "I need to tell you something," Yaaamaaahaaa said. "No," GMO said, "Me first." He sighed. "Yaaamaaahaaa, I've never had the guts to say this, but, I lo-" Suddenly he was interrupted. "Hi GMO!" A voice said. "It me, grim!" "Grim" What are you doing here?" "Well, the bailiff guy, he said to get lost, so me walk as fast as I can and try me hardest, and me get lost here." "But how did you get past the guards"" Suddenly, several guns cocked behind Grim. "He didn't get past my minions." Rajada said. "Guards! Seize him!" The guards grabbed Grim. "I think we"ll let Grim be the test subject, after all, Yaaamaaahaaa and I have some catching up to do." The guards grabbed GMO and Yaaamaaahaaa and cut their ropes, then they started walking towards the dungeon. "Wait!" GMO said. "Don't take Grim! Take me instead!" Rajada laughed. "MU HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! You wish!" The guards tied Grim to the pole. "Hey, why you get cool guards and stuff?" "I won the lottery," Rajada said, "Plus I have a killer cookie recipe. And speaking of killer, do you know what's going to happen to you?" "Does it have anything to do with tacos?" Grim asked. "Me love tacos." "No you imbecile! This is another transporter gun, but even more powerful than my last one! This will transport you to an alternate reality!" Rajada went over to the gun and pushed the button to activate it. "Good luck getting back!" Rajada said. "MU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" "Wait!" Grim said. "When do I get to be in story with everyone else? Me always going somewhere." Suddenly the gun flashed, and Grim was gone.
Grim woke up and lifted himself off the ground. "Freeze!" Someone said, "In the name of Lord Yam!"
The door burst open as the guards threw Grim inside. "You'll stay in the Death room until Lord Yam decides how to deal with you." Grim looked around. There were pictures of Death everywhere, caricatures, paintings, photos; everything you could imagine. Beside each painting, there were letters from Yaaamaaahaaa, with hearts and love notes on them. The door was opened again. "Lord Yam will see you now," the guards said.
Yaaamaaahaaa looked around. GMO was nowhere to be found, he was obviously in a separate cell. It was dark. She held her hand out in front of her, and she couldn't even see it. She felt around slowly, inching her way across the wall of the room. She started feeling her way towards the center, trying to get a good layout of the place. Suddenly, her hand slipped; there was a large hole in front of her. "Feels like a pit,"Yaaamaaahaaa said to herself. She yawned. "Might as well get some sleep."
"Help!" GMO shouted. Rajada laughed. "There's no one to save you now." GMO growled. "You twisted fiend! You"re crazy if you think you can get away with this! Smokey the Bear will save me, I'm a park ranger!" Rajada laughed. "There is no Smokey the Bear you fool!" "Don't say that you jerk!" GMO shouted. "You've made me mad!" Rajada shouted. "And the only way to calm me down when I get mad is: THE GAME."
"Bring him to me," Lord Yam said. The guards came forward and threw Grim on the floor. "Bow before your queen!" They said. "One time, me had a bow and arrow. It shot far, it rock." "Not bow you idiot!" The guard shouted. "Bow, as in kneel!" "Silence!" Lord Yam commanded. "I have a use for you." Yam looked at picture on the wall and stifled a sob. She grabbed it and kissed it affectionately. "Death," she said, "My poor Death, if only he was here." She kissed it once more and put it back on the wall. "See," Yam was saying, "I have a new man put on a mask to pretend to be Death every year, it's the only way I can I can feel alive, you Grim, are going to be that Death."
"Go fish." "Darn it!" Rajada said. "If this game wasn't the only thing that calmed me down, I would have given up already!" "I have to keep him occupied," GMO thought. "I have to keep him interested until I figure out a way to escape."
Yam woke up; she had been asleep for quite some time. The lights were on in the room, and Yaaamaaahaaa turned her head to get a look at the whole room. Sure enough, a giant pit was in the middle of the floor. Yaaamaaahaaa gasped. Rope now tied her to the floor. She looked up, and a giant blade on a pendulum was swinging down towards her. "No!" Yaaamaaahaaa screamed. "Not the Pit and Pendulum! (Meanwhile in the real world: Rajada continues working on the weapon while everyone else who doesn't remember the great classic, the Pit and Pendulum, looks it up on the net.)
Grim entered the room where Lord Yam was eating her supper. "Sit my love," she said. Grim sat down nervously. "This mask is making my face itch." "The moment you take it off you shall be killed!" Lord Yam screamed. "The last man already made that mistake. Tell me you love me." "Uh, I love you." "Why"" Lord Yam said. "Uh, well, you make good tacos. Yeah, really good tacos, with cheese and everything." "Oh!" Lord Yam said. "I feel such great warmth when you're around Death!" "One time, I felt a warmth in my heart. But it turns out me just had heart cancer. Me go to doctor, he say bad news, then it turns out, that I picked up someone else's x-ray when I used mine to blow me nose." "Stop!" Lord Yam said. She was starting to get annoyed; Lord Yam had been known to do some pretty bad things when she was annoyed.
"Hah!" Rajada said. "Go fish!" "Darn it," GMO said, "It's too bad you can"t face me at my peak." "What? What are you talking about?" Rajada asked. "I- it's so cold. I can barely feel my hands." "Fine!" Rajada said. "I'll start a fire." Rajada went over to a nearby fireplace and threw a match into it. The logs crackled as they were enveloped in flame. "Happy?" Rajada asked. Suddenly a bucket of water was thrown over the fire, and it went out. "What!?" Rajada said, turning around. "Whew, that could have started a forest fire!" A bear said. "Smokey! It's you!" GMO shouted. Rajada grimaced. "What are you even doing here you overgrown rug? There's no possible way a forest fire could be started underground, hundreds of miles away from civilization!" Smokey growled. "Forest fires aren't the only thing I save, quote 93 of the Smokey handbook: A ranger in need, needs a friend indeed." "Now you're starting to rhyme? I'm in a world full of stupid imbeciles! How did you even get here?" "Quote 133 of the handbook: A ranger needs no explanation, as long as he has good hand sanitation." "GAH!!!" Rajada said. "TAKE THIS!!!" Rajada pulled out his gun. "Meet the lava triple strike! Capable of firing the pixelated lava we all know and love from a NAB stage itself!" (Meanwhile, in the real world: Yam starts writing her own stories to counter-attack Chris', and Rajada groans as he hears of yet another weapon he has to make. Why does he make them? Simply put, he has no life. Just kidding, actually, he's just really smart.) Smoky growled as he ripped his shirt apart, exposing his muscles. "Quote 15 of the ranger handbook: If you act bad, beware of a ranger that is mad!!!" Smokey charged forward as Rajada fired his gun, spewing lava everywhere. Smokey tackled Rajada to the ground, as some of the lava landed on GMO's chain that was holding him to the wall. It burned through, releasing him. Unfortunately, Rajada got the upper hand, (Rajada is the main villain, so DUH) and he managed to point the gun right at Smokey's face, as he spewed lava is his face. "Die you overgrown teddy bear!" He shouted. Rajada turned around, GMO was nowhere to be found. "Guards!" he shouted, "With me!"
"I love you so much Death!" Lord Yam said. "Actually, me name is Grim." "No, you're Death." "No, me Grim!" Lord Yam stood up. "I command you to be Death!" Grim got up. "Me need to go potty." Lord Yam sighed. "Make it quick." Grim ran to the bathroom, but suddenly, there was a great flash, and Grim disappeared. It turns out Rajada's grand new weapon had a timer on it, and the time spent in the alternate reality was limited. Isn't that fortunate for the continuation of this story? I mean, how perfect is that? It's like the author used it as a lame brained excuse because he couldn't think of any other way to transport Grim back. Oh yeah, back to Yam.
"AGH!!!!!!!" Yam screamed as the blade came closer. "It can't end this way!" The blade inched closer and closer as Yam closed her eyes for the one last swipe before it finally killed her. But then, GMO ran to Yam and quickly untied her rope, she was saved. Suddenly, the walls started closing in, pushing GMO and Yam closer to the pit. "What's happening?" Yam said. "Haven't you ever read the Pit and Pendulum? They're trying to push us into the pit!" The walls inched their bodies closer and closer as they struggled to push back against the walls. Suddenly, the walls stopped inches before the pit. "Well," GMO said, "Rajada did do it exactly like the book, the walls stopped, what do you know!" "Ah choo!" Yam sneezed. She and GMO fell into the pit. "AGH!!!!" They screamed.