President Evil

(Read this in your best tough guy voice)

The robbers were clever. They doused the lights, (they had night vision goggles) covered up the cameras and got to work. They were serious criminals ready to take all the food in the supermarket to China to feed the scientist forced to make nuclear weapons to hit the U.S. (That’s a mouthful) But the criminals didn’t know there was a new shopper in these parts: GMO; loose cannon cop. GMO turned the lights on. “It’s time to clean up on ail 5!” He said. “How did you know?” One of the thugs said. “I got info,” GMO said. “With my fists!” He charged toward the first criminal and knocked him unconscious with an illegal karate move known only to the ancient monks of the Japanese monarch, kicked another robber in the face with a move he saw from Tai-Bo training, (the uncut version) and distracted another robber by doing the plain uncalled for move of tickling him under his armpits. “Don’t move!” The last robber said. He waved a knife dangerously. GMO said, “What’s wrong? I don’t have a weapon. Too hard for ya? All right.” He was saying, “I’ll get down on my knees.” (He was now less than two feet tall) “Come on.” GMO said, “You can take me.” The robber charged at him, and GMO did a sweeping sidekick that brought him down. GMO went outside where cops were waiting. “Good job GMO.” They said. “Don’t give me attention,” GMO was saying, “I don’t play by those rules.”

“GMO!” A lady screamed. “YAAAMAAHAA?” GMO said. “Oh GMO,” she said. “I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you moved on with your life!” GMO said, “You know I only have eyes for you, babycakes.” “As soon as I can, I want to start over with ya.” “Oh GMO!” YAAMAAHAA said. “So do I!”

But they were quickly interrupted. One of the policemen said to GMO, “We just got a bulletin, they former presidents of the U.S. are running lose on a rampage.” “I’ll go.” GMO said. GMO hijacked a motorcycle and drove off. Leaving all the cops thinking about how radically bad he was. GMO found the former presidents in the graveyard, with Bill Clinton. “I was just looking at the grave of one of my 37 girlfriends from collage.” He said. GMO didn’t care; he was staring at the former presidents about to leave the graveyard. GMO was ready for action, and slinging a minigun on his shoulder, was ready to attack.

“EVIL!” GMO shouted. “THERE’S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN!” GMO drove his bike running over the zombies. “We have nothing to fear, but fear…” One of the presidents was saying as he got run over. “My fellow Americans…” another president said before he was smashed. “I am not amused.” GMO said, “Whoops, that was Queen Victoria.” GMO’s bike flipped over but he landed on his feet. Then he started to shoot all the zombies with the minigun. He had almost killed them all when it ran out of ammo. GMO ran into the group and started beating them with his bear fist. “TIME TO BOOGIE DOWN!” He cried. He then started killing them with disco style moves unheard of since the 70’s. The zombies were too confused to fight back. GMO was out of breath, but it looked like he had killed them all.

But there was one left. “Well hiya honest Abe.” GMO said. Abe picked up the minigun GMO had and started to swing it numb chuck style. He started getting closer and closer to GMO, who had no defense. But GMO grabbed the gun in midair; and threw it to the ground. “Time for the knockout punch.” He said. He pulled back his fist, and hit Abe so hard that it knocked his head off.

“Whoops,” GMO was saying, “I must’ve missed one.” He was walking towards Bill Clinton. “Wh- what are you doing?” He said. “I’m still alive.” “Wait!” “WAIT!” But that was all Bill Clinton got out.

GMO returned to the once thieve littered supermarket where YAAMAAHAA was waiting. “Oh GMO!” She cried. “I thought you would never come back.” GMO said, “You knew I’d come back to you babycakes.” “GMO,” a cop was saying, “We just got a report: Dinosaur skeletons have come alive at the museum, and are recruiting girl scouts to create a time machine to destroy us all!” GMO said, “I’ll go, so I can let them know that…”

“EVIL! THERE’S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN!”